I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
