When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
