K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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