I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
