i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
