Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
