I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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