Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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