He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
