ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
