i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
