while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
