who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I cut my penus on the lid.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
