I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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