so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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