She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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