the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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