Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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