i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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