the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He has the fingertips of a God
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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