I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
