note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
