what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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