It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
