I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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