GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
