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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  told you he was gay.

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I want to have sex with him.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  Aw.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool

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• (646): View more from New York

  Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas

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• (561): View more from Florida

  Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?

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