I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
