Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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