I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
