So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
