I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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