Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
