I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
