i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
