Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
