Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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