Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
