I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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