her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
