Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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