2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
