I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
