I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
sex in a hospital.. check
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
