i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
