omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
