he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
