i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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