I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
