I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
