Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
