well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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