duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
