I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
