Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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